Monday, 20 February 2012
9 Good Reasons Straight Men Should Explore Homosexuality
1. No Unwanted Pregnancies
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. We can have all the sex we want and never have to worry about the dreaded unwanted child down the line. Ok, sometimes you'll have some other serious s**t to worry about in regards to sex, but screaming babies won't be one of 'em.
When we’re finally ready for children, we’ll just adopt like those guys on “Modern Family.”
2. Get in Better Shape
Let’s face it, gay dudes are in much better shape than we are. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I had a friend who came out and had rock hard abs only six weeks later. Dudes just have really high standards and it's really hard to please us. Just ask any girl that reads Cosmo.
The pressure of having to please dudes is WAY better than any workout system you'll find on TV.
3. Double Your Wardrobe
When we move in with our new lover we’ll immediately have access to a whole new closet full of clothes (and according to Queer Eye it'll all be trendy and fashionable).
So if you’ve been putting off buying a new pack of underwear, just consider what kind of money you could save by going gay and moving in with a dude you share more than just a bathroom with.
4. Make New Friends
Being gay is going to throw us into a whole new social network. The great thing about being gay right now is that the LGBT community is being persecuted by right-wingers over the marriage and military issues.
“But that’s not great at all!” - You, just now.
Wrong! Uniting against persecution has always formed the strongest bonds between people. Becoming gay will provide us with friendships that just might be the strongest we’ll ever know.
5. Even Playing Field
When you're gay, your partner will never, ever withhold sex as a punishment or use sex as a weapon.
There is no sex as a bargaining ploy to get something else. And oral sex is also never an issue. It's not for "special occasions" It is just a given.
According to my gay friend Eric: "gay men are easy. You won't need to take them on a bunch of expensive dates to get some action. For gay guys, sex is like a handshake, and the "getting to know you" part comes afterwards. As it should be...
...They just like sex as much as we do and want it just as often..." and that in of itself, friends, is the king of reasons to give switching teams a try.
6. Be Funnier
Gay guys are naturally funnier. What might get YOU slapped will just make everyone think a gay guy's "sassy".
If we become gay, then we can be guaranteed an increase of at least two humor points (which would help this particular column) as well as a FIFTY percent increase in invites to cocktail parties. That’s just simple math, folks.
7. Have More Fun at Concerts
There’s something about being a proud gay man that strips down social barriers far more than being a repressed straight man does.
Being gay will mean we can get way more excited when our favorite band takes the stage, so much that we can belt out that scream we want to yell instead of just cheering, clapping over our heads and looking around for the nearest girl to "protect".
This will allow us to just tune out the world, DANCE (for a change) and have way more fun than we have ever had before at our favorite concerts.
8. Attract More Women
This may seem counter intuitive given that we’ll now be having sex with men, but hear me out: it’s a scientific fact that women like gay guys.
Women love that whole “hard to get” attitude and what’s harder to get than a gay guy?
Oh, and there’s the whole "since we're gay, we'll understand women". Not because we’ll be more like women but because we’ll actually be listening to them rather than trying to figure out how to get in their pants.
So “hard to get” plus being more understanding will equal more women if we decide to swing back. Back-up plans, my friend, is the name of this game.
9. Run Hollywood
We all know it's hard to make it down in Hollywood because it’s difficult to find an "in".
Well, according to this old guy I met while in the swamps of Georgia “Jews and gays run Hollywood.”
Well we might not be Jewish, but we could possibly be gay if we tried it and liked it - and that transition takes a LOT less reading. Plus, those of us who are Jewish will suddenly have TWO avenues to pursue in our pop culture domination. Think about it.
Posted by Mutant Gnome at 01:25